Insecurities 

This is how I feel a lot both mentally and physically. I’m more confident than I used to be but I’m not very body confident at all.

I want to loose weight and become more toned and fitter. I wish I didn’t have to wear glasses but find contact lenses too much of a sensory nightmare. I feel my hips are too wide and I really want a more toned flatter stomach. I like to cover up by wearing long tops that cover my hips and jumpers and shirts that cover my arms. I know I’m not overweight or obese or anything but I’m just not happy with how I look despite that. I’m aware that some girls want to be skinner than they are but I just can’t embrace how I look right now.

I get asked a lot why I don’t have my ears pierced, don’t ever want a tattoo, or why I don’t wear a lot of make up, etc and it’s because these things would create absolute havoc and continuous meltdowns to a sensory defensive person like me, however it is seen as the norm for someone of my age. Im fine with not fitting in with other people my age, but it doesn’t mean it’s doesn’t wear me down or get to me at times.

My thoughts in my head as well seem like a mess to me. I genuinely think my head is just wired differently to everyone else and I just pick up on everything and anything to do with my 5 senses.  This can easily ruin my mood or even my day. It seems crazy that sensory input has that effect on me and I can’t control it!

I just wish SPD was more widely understood…!

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http://indulgy.com/source/star-piece.tumblr.com

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4 thoughts on “Insecurities 

  1. I wish it was more understood too. My daughter is seen as having a short fuse or bad temper (she isn’t even 2 yet!) and it bothers me so much that some people chalk it up to her just needing more discipline etc. The slightest thing can set her off. Yesterday I learned that Mickey mouse’s voice is too much for her and other days if I run out of blueberries she gets upset. Sharing your story with the honesty that you do is one of the greatest things you can do to spread awareness.

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    1. im glad someone else feels the same way! Its frustrating when people comment on a childs discipline when they do not even know the child properly or her needs! I’m exactly the same the slightest thing can set me off and people thing I’m so odd and weird 😦 honestly wish people didn’t jump to conclusions all the time. Aww thanks that means a lot 🙂 I’m hoping I can raise more awareness gradually!

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  2. You’re not alone i promise you 🙂 “Every girl” does not want to be skinnier. I have a few health issues. One being my jaw joint growing apart meaning eating, talking, smiling being upright for more than an hour is all Very painful and Very inconveinant. Ive lost a horrendous amount of weight and look anerexic and get treated as though i am. Which is extremley hurtful. I just wish people wouldnt make sweeping statements like “ever girl” want to be skinnier. That just reinforces the general stigma surrounding thin people. “Oh just eat more” “ugh flag pole” “bulemic”. Just like people who are thick, ppl who are thin are just as insecure. The insecurities are mental. Not physical. Be happy and at peace. Try out this book called “Mindfulness” Its helped me sooo much to find inner peace. Also just to not i get SPD symptoms. Migraines/tension headaches almost daily due to overstimulation. Light is agony, ppls voices, any sudden noise, heat is a nightmare. Just hang in there and make your focus inner love and you’ll begin to love the world around you 🙂

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    1. Hi Poppy 😊 I agree with you that not every girl wants to be skinner – I’ve corrected that in my post. The jaw problems you have sound very frustrating and painful for you I’m sorry to hear about it and I hope it gets better for you. It sounds very hurtful that people treat you like an anorexic without fully understanding the problem you have and the pain you must be in. Thanks for the book recommendation I will definitely check that out. It’s interesting that you get SPD symptoms too – I hate overstimulation it can affect my mood and ruin my day which sucks, I understand where you are coming from – have a look at my DIY sensory box blog post I find I go to my box when I’m overstimulated or have a meltdown. Thanks – hang in there too you sound like you are doing great coping with everything 😄

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