Change is super hard. It messes with routines and structure, it makes me overwhelmed, emotional and generally just feel ‘out of sorts’.
Get ready for a little ramble…
So why am I writing about change? I want to try and explain how change effects a sensory person (like me!) and I also want to discuss a change that I have had recently.
Change can (and usually is for me) a nightmare. It messes with my mind and my body. I like to know what I’m doing and where I need to be during the week.
Okay so… I have a new job. As I am writing this I have been at my new job for just two weeks. Everyone is super lovely and helpful but I’m finding it hard to speak up for myself and fit in. I feel a bit all over the place inside and just a bit worried all the time. It’s not the job as such that worries me – it’s more the change in scenery, environment and meeting new people (obviously) that worries me.
There are around 50 people where I now work – this means there are a lot of new faces and names to remember 😂 I am also the youngest in the company which is fine but everyone is much more experienced than me which puts me down a little bit (I know it shouldn’t!).
My manager is aware that I am dyslexic but it’s my processing speed that is annoying me – it takes me much longer to do things and my SPD has started to sort of flared up because of the new change and new environment.
I know I will be fine and I really love the job I am doing as it’s in the same field as my degree that I studied and it’s what I am passionate about. The problem I have (and have begun to realise over the years) are that there are two of ‘me’….
- The ‘normal’ calm okay Emily
- The totally overwhelmed ‘sensory’ Emily
This is a problem because I cannot control which Emily will wake up each day. This is the best way I can explain living with SPD. It can come in waves and there can be good and bad days, weeks, months and sometimes particular years (especially when I was growing up). My mum is always reminding me time and time again to keep on top of my ‘sensory diet’ and she is always right – things like body brushing, chewing baby toys, stretching and gaining sensory input from things like yoga balls, and even walls – definitely helps a sensory being!
Why not check out my DIY Sensory Box post from a while back here
Ps: I know I have been a bit quiet on the blog recently (the new job has been a bit overwhelming!) and I have a few emails to reply to (from some lovely people) which I will get back to soon I promise!
2 thoughts on “Change…and why it’s difficult.”
It is so heartbreaking when you said that there are 2 Emily’s. Not because I pity you but because that is exactly what I see in my 2 year old son. I have told people how bipolar his personality is. He is either very happy or very cranky. We are just learning about his SPD and are trying to find the right coping mechanisms. He has good days when he is a little angel. And he has bad days that no matter what we try we can’t calm his SPD. I knew he was dealing with sensory issues, but hearing you explain what it feels like puts it into a whole new perspective. Thank you for sharing your story!
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Hi Amy 🙂 thanks so much for your comment – and sorry for the late reply. It was definitely a hard post to write and it is hard to admit to there being 2 Emily’s but that was really the best way to sum it up. I totally understand what you mean when you talk about your son having good and bad days – its very hard to explain to other people as you have mentioned. I am glad I’ve been able to give you an insight into what your son might be dealing with and I really think he will benefit from having such a great mum who is already researching into sensory issues. Not a problem 🙂 Thanks again!