Change is super hard. It messes with routines and structure, it makes me overwhelmed, emotional and generally just feel ‘out of sorts’.
Get ready for a little ramble…
So why am I writing about change? I want to try and explain how change effects a sensory person (like me!) and I also want to discuss a change that I have had recently.
Change can (and usually is for me) a nightmare. It messes with my mind and my body. I like to know what I’m doing and where I need to be during the week.
Okay so… I have a new job. As I am writing this I have been at my new job for just two weeks. Everyone is super lovely and helpful but I’m finding it hard to speak up for myself and fit in. I feel a bit all over the place inside and just a bit worried all the time. It’s not the job as such that worries me – it’s more the change in scenery, environment and meeting new people (obviously) that worries me.
There are around 50 people where I now work – this means there are a lot of new faces and names to remember 😂 I am also the youngest in the company which is fine but everyone is much more experienced than me which puts me down a little bit (I know it shouldn’t!).
My manager is aware that I am dyslexic but it’s my processing speed that is annoying me – it takes me much longer to do things and my SPD has started to sort of flared up because of the new change and new environment.
I know I will be fine and I really love the job I am doing as it’s in the same field as my degree that I studied and it’s what I am passionate about. The problem I have (and have begun to realise over the years) are that there are two of ‘me’….
- The ‘normal’ calm okay Emily
- The totally overwhelmed ‘sensory’ Emily
This is a problem because I cannot control which Emily will wake up each day. This is the best way I can explain living with SPD. It can come in waves and there can be good and bad days, weeks, months and sometimes particular years (especially when I was growing up). My mum is always reminding me time and time again to keep on top of my ‘sensory diet’ and she is always right – things like body brushing, chewing baby toys, stretching and gaining sensory input from things like yoga balls, and even walls – definitely helps a sensory being!
Why not check out my DIY Sensory Box post from a while back here
Ps: I know I have been a bit quiet on the blog recently (the new job has been a bit overwhelming!) and I have a few emails to reply to (from some lovely people) which I will get back to soon I promise!