You’re a limited edition

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It’s so true. Every single one of us. We are all limited editions and nobody is the same. Sometimes this is a bad thing. Living in 2018 makes me feel like I want to conform, fit in and be considered ‘normal’. It means I am constantly comparing myself to others and wanting to be just like them (and yeah social media doesn’t help all this 🤦🏻‍♀️)…

But I’m trying super hard recently to embrace that I’m a limited edition.

Yes I’m very different and some people might think I’m a bit odd, weird or special. I’m trying to be more upfront and honest when I’m struggling and also I’m trying to explain my sensory difficulties a little bit more. And I’ve never done that before. I’ve never out-right said: ‘I have Sensory Processing Disorder and this is what it means for me…’ but the other day I said this in conversation (relatively briefly) andI wasn’t made to feel small or different.

And that felt great.

So anyway this was a bit of a ramble. But on more thing I wanted to mention was that recently I’ve been speaking to a few different people via my @21andsensory account on Instagram through direct messages.

It’s incredible how many people are struggling to understand themselves and make sense of their place in this weird old world. People I’ve spoken to just want to be ‘normal’ and fit in with their peers be it at school, college, uni, work, life in general, etc. We put this pressure on ourselves and mask our true feelings and needs. I have days where I am so desperate to be ‘normal’ and be able to cope in social situations and new environments that I come home and feel incredibly down and very lost.

But…on the good days I am proud of how I challenge myself and try to do new activities. I am able to cope on public transport without getting hella sweaty and cold with fear (thank god for contactless payments, it’s so much quicker and I used to have to hand over sweaty change ALL the time!). I am able to make conversation more fluently and find I am less stressed over eye-contact and I know when to talk.

On days like these I feel like a sort of super-hero (let’s go with spiderman🕸). I have spidey-senses that tingle. I can hear layers upon layers of noise, I can smell things from what seems like a mile-off, I can immediately identify the nearest toilet to escape to in busy locations, I can smell spices and seasoning and avoid eating anything too strong or spicy, I can find nice quiet places to eat and shop without constant blaring ‘background’ music (IT’S NOT ATMOSPHERIC IT’S BLOODY ANNOYING. Rant over ☺️)

So what I’m trying to get at is that there are/can be positives to being you and being a limited edition – you just have to hold out for those good days. I know that’s a rubbish line, especially if you are going through difficult times. There’s nothing worse then someone saying ‘things will be better soon’ or ‘you’ll get through this’ because all you want to know is WHEN? Like a time/date/month/year would be handy?

If I’m honest I’ve had to wait months to feel like I’ve had some ‘good days’. This made me quite sad because as a 24 year old I should be out living life to the max (not like too close to max though…I’m a sensory-being let’s not forget!). This past month I have noticed I have enjoyed things much more. I have felt less emotional and I feel like I am struggling less with being unable to express how I feel. I’ve had good days. I think this could be down to:

  1. The right concoction of medication helping me to feel much more stable emotionally and mood-wise.
  2. Having / finding things to look forward to. This is huge. Before I felt so empty and like there was nothing to strive for.
  3. Appreciating the little things more. Like going out for a tea/coffee or tidying my room in order to keep my mind tidy too. These things can bring me joy.

So to summarise: yup, every single person in this world is a limited edition, and despite social media depicting our best-selves, we are all trying to navigate this weird-old world and… I think it’s okay to make some mistakes along the way.

 

9 thoughts on “You’re a limited edition

  1. I think it gets easier when you get older in a way and you worry less about needing to conform and fit in (I can’t understand why anyone would strive to be normal though!!!???). I’m 40 now and I’ve finally found friends who are all quirky and unique themselves, which makes me feel more accepted. However, I still don’t disclose my Asperger’s very often as I don’t want to have to deal with people questioning it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Luna – thanks for your comment 🙂 Its really interesting to hear that you think it gets easier as you become older (I look forward to it getting a bit easier!). That’s so awesome to hear you’ve been able to find friends who are quirky themselves and are so accepting! I totally understand not wanting to disclose your Aspergers – I feel the same about explaining my difficulties it’s quite a personal thing to explain and to have to answer multiple questions on!

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  2. I think everyone is a limited edition in some way, and many people we think of as “normal” are privately feeling like their normalcy is an act to hide the true “edition” within. You know, it took being the mother of a beautifully unique boy and getting used to having many eyes drawn to us in public for me to stop being so worried about how others perceive my differences. When I was younger, I felt like I wanted to be seen as “normal” too…but I was made the way I am for a reason, and so are each of us. Have a lovely week… 🙂 Ariana

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Ariana – thank you so much for leaving a comment. I totally agree that everyone is a limited edition and you’re right that we think of people as normal and actually they could be dealing with more then we would ever realise. I’m sorry to hear about people in public giving you stares and looks when you are out with your boy but it’s just amazing to hear that you see past that and do not worry about what others think and embrace being unique. I also feel like I’ve always wanted to be seen as normal but you are 100% right – we are made the way we are for a reason ☺️ Thanks again and hope you have a good week too!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, sometimes he/we are very hard not to stare at, I will have to give spectators that. While all of those things are hard, the gift in it is that it has allowed me to step away a fair bit from being so concerned about what others are assuming or thinking about me. I don’t worry anymore about looking like whether or not I blend in, and in that respect I’ve never been happier. I am who I am, and he is who he is, which is an innocent little boy who asked for none of the things that impact his neurology and make our time in public so interesting to others. So now I try to do the best I can to help people understand what his world looks like so he won’t have so much to fear when I am gone. 🙂 Thank you for your very kind response… 🙂 Ariana

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      2. It’s such a shame – I do wish people were more understanding and spent less time staring! It’s lovely to hear how you are taking such positives from the experiences though, it really does highlight that we’re should all be comfortable in our own skin and not worry about how we look or act. That’s so great to hear you have never been happier in that respect – and that you are both embracing who you are and spreading awareness to others. You sound like such a good role model for your child and someone he can really look up to! Not a problem it’s lovely to hear from you. Emily.

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