Hi everyone here again to share another drawing…this time on the ‘Constant Autistic Internal Monologue’ which is something that I experience.
Let me explain it a bit more…I didn’t realise (until literally the day of my autism assessment) that most people don’t have a constantly internal monologue running inside them. I was chatting to my assessor and casually explained that I have this constant running internal monologue inside of me of how to act, be, live, etc. By this I mean a constant voice inside me (that is me, not a separate person) telling me things like:
‘Try and keep eye contact Emily!’
‘Maybe sit up straight and try and look a bit more interested?’
‘You might be walking to close…maybe back off a bit?’
‘They might want a handshake? A hug? Be prepared’
‘Does my face look engaged? Is my expression okay?’
‘Am I looking awkward?’
‘You could go sit in the toilet for a bit and decompress?’
‘Did I not talk enough? Did I come across weird?’
(As you can see it can be in a range of person tenses and talks in present and past tense too)
It’s constantly suggesting things to me and is very wary of not fitting in and seeming different. It warns me of things, prompts me to maybe do things which would seem more ‘normal’ and it’s not something I can switch off. I think it is a part of masking but it is not something I cannot drop (v.frustrating). It’s something I have always had, I remember it right the way through school trying to guide me and failing to help me. Also as you can imagine, this continuous internal monologue is taking up a hell of a lot of my brain power and I am dealing with this on a daily basis alongside just existing and juggling things like work and my mental health…which isn’t ideal.
The suggestions aren’t always helpful too which is frustrating because it’s hard to ignore or not listen to them or at least take them on board. I wanted to share this in case it’s something others struggle with too though and because it was something I thought was built into everyone (apparently that’s not the case!).
Hope this all made sense.
Is this something you struggle with too? Let me know in the comments below.
Today I published my 50th 21andsensory Podcast episode! (Available wherever you get your podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, etc!) It’s a celebratory episode with just me doing an update and catch up so make sure you have a listen (link below this post!)
I started my podcast in August 2017 and it was literally just me talking into my voice memos on my phone. No fancy equipment whatsoever. I just decided to start chatting about my own life and my sensory struggles (little did I know I’d find out I was Autistic in 2019!)
It’s grown massively since then and from episode 17 onwards it wasn’t just me rambling on my own. I have had the pleasure of talking to a huge amount of people from all walks of life who have been so open and honest with me about their own journeys. It’s been an absolute pleasure and a joy to talk to so many people and I am constantly fascinated by what they have achieved. Also: I love nothing more than when my guests info dump about their hobbies and special interests when they come on!
I get a lot of email requests from people asking to ‘speak to my team’ about coming on my podcast and those sorts of emails always make me laugh because…it’s just little old me! I approach potential guests, create a personal podcast outline of questions each time, record, edit and publish the podcast on my own – and I absolutely love doing it. I really do love the audio format (and am a big podcast listener myself) there’s just something that feels really personal about chatting to someone in an informal and chill way.
Anyway! Here’s to more podcast episodes in the future…
Hi everyone – I thought for the next post in my Sensory Series I’d discuss a few everyday things that are sensory hell…
In my ongoing Sensory Series posts I’ll be sharing text slides on different aspects of Sensory Processing (in between my regular posts of illustrations) so I can share my own outlook on all things sensory. I thought it would be interesting to share my own experiences and tips and tricks along the way. Feel free to scroll back over other posts in this series too over on my Instagram here.
Please do share this post and feel free to comment down below how you cope with change and any tips you have!
Tags and seams in clothing.
Someone brushing up against you as they walk past.
Loud unexpected noise when walking near roads (especially motorbikes and sirens on emergency vehicles).
Electrical appliances that hum, buzz or vibrate.
Forcing yourself to brush your hair and teeth despite hating it.
Socks that won’t stay up or that roll down and come off in your shoe.
Strong distracting smells like air fresheners, scented candles, perfumes, aftershaves, detergents.
Clothing sleeves that get all bunched up and roll up under your coat sleeves.
Someone lightly touching you on the arm when they are talking about you in a conversation.
Bright colourful places like shops, classrooms and workplaces that are visually disorientating and distracting.
Finding holes in the only comfy clothing you have and stressing out about finding the exact replacement.
Anything that flickers or moves too fast like: candles, lights, screens, etc.
Cooking smells and getting your hands messy when preparing food and constantly having to wash them.
Worrying about access to your safe foods constantly when out and about and when you need to stock up at home.
Keeping up a mask and an act of ‘I’m doing okay, I’m managing’ until you can get home, be yourself and stim freely.
Not listening to music and avoiding online videos because songs get stuck in your head for hours on end and this causes overwhelm.
I was a guest on the ‘Psychology in the Classroom’ podcast!
The podcast takes psychological research and translates it for classroom teachers so they can effectively apply it to their teaching practice to help improve outcomes for their students. Interviews with leading psychologists and other experts in the field of education, as well as deep dives into educational theory and a little bit of neuromyth busting.
Lucinda is the host and has a BSc in Philosophy and Psychology, an MA in Special and Inclusive education, is a qualified teacher and taught psychology from 2002-2017. Her passions lie in psychology and education and luckily the two are inextricably linked. She now produces a podcast ‘Psychology in the classroom’ and writes a weekly blog summarising psychological research on learning and education.
Here is the episode description:
Interview with Dr Cathy Manning from Oxford University and Emily from @21andsensory.
This week’s podcast covers Sensory Processing Disorder. This is a very varied disorder which affects how people process sensory information and as a consequence how they respond to the environment. Though often linked with Autism SPD doesn’t always go hand in hand with ASD. SPD can be triggered via all senses such as vision, noise, touch and smell and considering your classroom environment can really help to support young people who struggle with SPD.
You can find out about Dr Cathy Manning’s research here.
You can find out more about Emily and her work here or follow her on social media @21andsensory or listen to her podcast here.
The link to Mary Hanley’s research on displays is here.
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve felt this statement a lot. I am trying my best each day to muddle on through life in general. I feel like a lot of my life has involved ‘muddling on through’ things that seem to come naturally to other people.
But: I always try my best. I am super dedicated and hyper focused when it comes to producing the best output I can. However…trying my best takes a hell of a lot of effort as an autistic person. It’s keeping up a constant ‘mask’ or ‘act’ in most social situations. It’s suffering from sensory overwhelm and autistic burnout on the regular. But you’d never know it from looking at me. And you’d never know it when looking at others. I think we all just need to be aware that everyone in life is muddling through things and nobody really has it figured out.
That was a ramble but the short of it is: I’m going to keep muddling through. And so should you.
(Also sorry if muddling is a British sort of word to use but it resonates with me! It means to think or act in a confused or aimless way).
On today’s episode I have special guest Amy Chrissy.
Amy is a 21 year old autistic homous enthusiast (which I’ll definitely be asking her more about!) she is an Autism advocate who creates amazing and really informative educational videos on her TikTok @amuwamu where she has over 42,000 followers!
We chat about:
Amy’s autism diagnosis and other diagnoses she has
Her experiences with ABA therapy as a child
Her journey through primary and secondary school
Amy studying sociology and psychology at university and how her first year on the course has been
Her special interests and creative hobbies a
Amy’s TikTok journey
Getting back out in the world, socialising and the struggles of eye contact!
Hi everyone – I’m going to start a little text-based Sensory Series!
I’ll be sharing text slides on different aspects of Sensory Processing (in between my regular posts of illustrations) so I can share my own outlook on all things sensory. I thought it would be interesting to share my own experiences, tips and tricks along the way.
Check out this awesome article on Discover Pods website that my podcast featured in!
Also just as a side note (on a topic I don’t really mention but it relates to podcasting)…
If you’d like to support my podcast and its production it would mean a lot if you’d like to donate anything via my Kofi link below. I totally appreciate any form of support (when people like, share and comment on my work that’s amazing!) but if you’d like / are able to support me further that would be awesome. I currently do all of my 21andsensory work in addition to my day job, so I illustrate in my spare time and I liaise with guests, record, edit and produce my podcast on my own.
I am also considering starting a Patreon page in order to share exclusive content like videos, behind the scenes photos, written posts and extra podcast episodes so keep an eye out for that potentially!
Anyway…I just want to say thank you for all of your continued support, I super appreciate it.