Hi everyone – hope you are all doing okay. Back in February I wrote a blog post on my own struggles with Dissociation and Depersonalisation, I find it really helps to write down things I’m going through (so if you fancy reading that here is a link). I thought I’d do a drawing as I know so many people deal with this daily and i think it’s important to educate others on what it’s like to live with.
My struggles started towards the end of 2020 when I had a one weird moment of disassociation. Then it started it happen more, Iād have sudden moments where Iād disassociate briefly for a few seconds. So to describe the exact feeling I experienced I would look at my arms in front of me and not feel connected to them whatsoever. I was initially quite freaked out by the randomness of these moments but they then became more frequent and started to not seem so new.
It kept happening when I was brushing my teeth. It was like looking at my limbs and I just wasnāt in control of them at all yet they were still functioning and doing normal actions which was really weird. I almost wanted to keep slapping my forehead to feel more āpresentā almost like Iād zoned out briefly. I think this relates closely to āDepersonalisationā where a person experience a sense of disconnect from their body or a feeling of watching themselves.
It felt like I was sat inside my brain like a visitor but I was looking at myself doing all these things but not really being there, I wasnāt right there in the moment experiencing things. I just donāt feel like Iām in the present and really experiencing things which is quite unsettling and itās so hard to actually sum up what I am experiencing because I canāt liken the experience to anything else. Itās honestly the weirdest thing and doesnāt sound believable when I try and put it into words. I know that I am in control of my body and itās mine but in those moments it really really doesnāt feel like my limbs belong to me in the slightest
I know that dissociating is something that can happen as a way of your body coping with stress, trauma, etc by putting itself into this protective state. Mind (a mental health charity in the UK) has a really informative page on dissociative disorders here which I recommend browsing if you are looking for more info on the topic: More info on Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders from Mind UK
When I experience these feelings of dissociating I try to do some grounding exercises to put me back into the present, hereās an example:
š Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you ā Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you š Acknowledge THREE things you hear šAcknowledge TWO things you can smell š Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste
I’m always happy to chat further in the comments and my social media DM’s, and feel free to share any tips you have in the comments below.
Also just as a side note (on a topic I don’t really mention but it relates to podcasting)…
If you’d like to support my podcast and its production it would mean a lot if you’d like to donate anything via my Kofi link below. I totally appreciate any form of support (when people like, share and comment on my work that’s amazing!) but if you’d like / are able to support me further that would be awesome. I currently do all of my 21andsensory work in addition to my day job, so I illustrate in my spare time and I liaise with guests, record, edit and produce my podcast on my own.
I am also considering starting a Patreon page in order to share exclusive content like videos, behind the scenes photos, written posts and extra podcast episodes so keep an eye out for that potentially!
Anyway…I just want to say thank you for all of your continued support, I super appreciate it.
Hi everyone, here is a new drawing I did explaining what a nightmare clothes shopping can be for autistic and sensory people! (aka meeeeee)
*Needs new clothes* – I have trusty go-to t-shirts, jeans, etc that I find comfy and wear until they quite literally are falling apart. Iāve been like this since I was a child, I could never let go of clothing and really would wear things to the bitter end.
Tries searching for exact replacements – this requires much searching online for exact replacements (this is a pain because clothing lines change so frequently and I never think to buy multiples in case I donāt like themā¦and then I do like them after a while and itās too late!)
They arrive and get put awayā¦ so I cut every single conceivable tag, label, instruction booklet out of them and neatly fold or hang them up which is super satisfying and I genuinely feel quite happy that Iāve managed to come across clothing I might be able to bear.
3 years laterā¦still feel too new to wear. DAMN IT. They ALWAYS, alwaysssss still feel way too new to wear. Sometimes washing the clothes a few times helps with this feeling but I am an absolute nightmare when it comes to wearing new clothes (so much so that I prefer to shop second hand a lot as then clothes feel more worn in and after a few washes smell okay enough to wear).
Things I have found that help: I get this a lot with shoes. It can take me YEARS to get into new shoes. Again buying them secondhand from places like @depop help but if I do decide to get brand new shoes (a tip my mum came up with) is to take them out of the box and put them in my room so I get used to the look of them and them being part of my life.
It sounds ridiculous I know but it really is an autistic / sensory thing – I am awful with change and new things and I am much kinder to myself now knowing I am autistic and that this is just a part of who I am and how my mind operates.
Do you struggle with clothing? Any top tips you have feel free to share in the comments below!
I was gifted* two Sensory ToyBox Mystery Boxes over the past couple of months and thought I’d film a couple of unboxing videos and show you what I received and my honest opinions and reactions!
1st video:
2nd video:
Sensory ToyBox are a UK Etsy shop selling fab sensory and fidget toys as well as mystery boxes.
*I was sent these boxes for free and was under no obligation to post about them but genuinely loved the contents of the boxes and wanted to film unboxing videos to show you all!
The super lovely Lydia has written an article which she posted today on her website mademoisellewomen.com all about Autistic Creatives To Support This Autism Awareness Week.
Hi everyone. Today is World Autism Awareness Day. Within World Autism Awareness Week. Within World Autism Awareness Month. (Phew thatās a lot to get your heads around!)
Iāve felt very split about doing a post centred solely around Autism Awareness Week as I am very aware of the online discussions centred around it and many people mentioning that it should be centred around acceptance and understanding rather than just āawarenessā of autism.
Itās a tricky one.
I love how Victoria from @actuallyasplings worded her most recent post, she honestly sums up how I feel too so Iāve pasted what her post said below:
āThis week is Autism Awareness/Acceptance Week, the one week where everyone hypes up the awareness. Iāll be honest though; we do need more awareness, but without acceptance whatās the point? I also think awareness should be all year round, not just April; and I think we should be accepted full stop.
Iāve seen so many puzzle pieces, and so much about AS, and honestly, this is not what we want or need. What we need is appreciation, inclusivity, and support. There are so many wonderful accounts striving for change, using their activism/advocacy to break stereotypes and this is what we need. People need to listen to Autistic voices, rather than try to silence our views. We are here to educate and inform, we have the lived experience and we want people to feel like they can ask questions and learn from us.
By all means, celebrate April how you wish, but please take Autistic people into consideration. Share our accounts, our posts, and more importantly listen to what we are sayingā
Victoria did such a great job of describing how I was and still am feeling about World Autism Awareness week. Yes awareness is great but we want and deserve more as Autistic people. We really do deserve acceptance, understanding and respect.
Also just wanted to say that my latest 21andsensory Podcast episode has gone live and you can listen down below! I am uploading them every two weeks at the moment.
In this episode I speak to Glenn who is the manager of Waltham Abbey Focus which is a disability and SEN football team at the top of their game! Glenn chats about all things football-related and we discuss a documentary that’s being made about the team with the intention of raising awareness of disability football, and promoting it as an inclusive sport that can be enjoyed by everyone.
A blog post has just gone live on The Department of Experimental Psychology website to coincide with World Autism Week as a useful resource to help people better understand what it means to be an autistic person with sensory processing difficulties.
Hi everyone Iām back again with another lilā drawing of a very sensory based grounding technique I find useful when I am anxious. You may of heard of it before, itās usually referred to as the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. I find it useful because I am (obviously) a highly sensitive individual and it distracts me to tune into each sense separately (might be hard to do in a busy situation but I find it helps in most other situations!). It just turns your thoughts entirely to your senses and off cycling and worrying thoughts even if itās only briefly. Below are some pointers that might help youā¦
š Really look for 5 things you can see: whatās in front of you? Really look and pick out some small details, maybe itās a wooden surface which you can see the grain of, your own hands and your fingerprints, the fabric of some curtains and the way they hang, the specific colour within something like a hanging picture, whatās pleasing or not so pleasing to look at?
ā Feel 4 things with your hands or even feet as you walk (please be careful in these COVID times with this though!) the fabric of your own clothes, the seat you are on, if outside the grass or pavement or brick wall you pass by. Even just the sensation of your feet within your shoes, try and really tune into that feeling.
šAcknowledge 3 things you can hear right now. Can you hear traffic in the distance? Conversations going on a couple of rooms away? What can you tune into? Even if itās a ticking clock, sound of a pet pottering aboutā¦
š What 2 things can you smell? Maybe itās your own deodorant, perfume or aftershaveā¦or someone elseās? Or the smell of a room, cooking smells, air freshener or cleaning smells, etc. Is there any sort of smell to the air surrounding you?
š Can you taste anything? Even if itās a drink youāve just had or something youāve eaten is there any taste at all in your mouth?
Above is a link to a livestream that I am going to be doing this Saturday 27th at 7pm UK time. Please join me in the live chat and feel free to ask any questions!
I really enjoy doing these as it gives me a chance to speak to everyone and answer anything you might be wondering about. Also I get to just chill with my fidget toys and recommend good ones that you all might like!
21andsensory 