You’re not a mess.

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‘You’re not a mess. You’re brave for trying’. It’s so so easy to put yourself down these days. Everything seems that much more difficult to deal with, whether its sensory or adult stuff like admin, self-care, tidying, paying bills. The stuff everyone else makes look easy. It’s easy to think of yourself as a mess. I think of myself as a mess. That’s not nice to write but it’s true. I feel like I am bumbling along attempting to deal with things as they come my way and ultimately feeling overwhelmed sensory and mental-health wise. 

But I started wondering. What if everyone else (the people I think are super cool and have got it altogether in life) also think of themselves as a mess? What if we are all just walking around and thinking like this? I know it comes back to the whole ‘comparison’ thing. Yeah it’s super easy to constantly compare yourself to others because thats all that’s ever in front of you. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat it’s never-ending all the different platforms that throw you happy people all the flipping time. It’s tiring.

2018 has been really hard for me and not a lot of people are aware of this. But to share a snippet I would like to mention how awful life feels when everyone is happy and you feel like an utter mess. A social media example: I tap on the Facebook app on my phone and instantly I’m thrown into newly wed couple photos, new baby scans, new travel adventures, graduations, moving house key photos, engagement photos. ALL I WENT ON FACEBOOK FOR WAS TO GET RID OF THE NOTIFICATIONS AND MAYBE SEE A CUTE DOG VIDEO. Instead I am reminded of how I am not progressing in life and everyone is having a great, lovely, happy time. 

The thing is THEY AREN’T. And I am brave for continuing to remember that and to try and create my own happiness. I have learnt to appreciate more of the little things. I love cups of tea. I like sunsets. I like new fineliner pens. I like my comfy dressing gown. I love baths. I enjoy eating blueberries. These give me tiny happiness bursts. Find the tiny things that bring you joy. And flipping hold onto them so tight because they really can help. I’m not a mess. And neither are you or anybody else you know.

We are all figuring our own stuff out in life, yeah some people more then others, but nobody is a mess. I think we’re all braver then we think.

(P.s Note to self: stop opening Facebook just google dog videos)

This post was originally posted on my Instagram @21andsensory

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You’re a limited edition

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It’s so true. Every single one of us. We are all limited editions and nobody is the same. Sometimes this is a bad thing. Living in 2018 makes me feel like I want to conform, fit in and be considered ‘normal’. It means I am constantly comparing myself to others and wanting to be just like them (and yeah social media doesn’t help all this 🤦🏻‍♀️)…

But I’m trying super hard recently to embrace that I’m a limited edition.

Yes I’m very different and some people might think I’m a bit odd, weird or special. I’m trying to be more upfront and honest when I’m struggling and also I’m trying to explain my sensory difficulties a little bit more. And I’ve never done that before. I’ve never out-right said: ‘I have Sensory Processing Disorder and this is what it means for me…’ but the other day I said this in conversation (relatively briefly) andI wasn’t made to feel small or different.

And that felt great.

So anyway this was a bit of a ramble. But on more thing I wanted to mention was that recently I’ve been speaking to a few different people via my @21andsensory account on Instagram through direct messages.

It’s incredible how many people are struggling to understand themselves and make sense of their place in this weird old world. People I’ve spoken to just want to be ‘normal’ and fit in with their peers be it at school, college, uni, work, life in general, etc. We put this pressure on ourselves and mask our true feelings and needs. I have days where I am so desperate to be ‘normal’ and be able to cope in social situations and new environments that I come home and feel incredibly down and very lost.

But…on the good days I am proud of how I challenge myself and try to do new activities. I am able to cope on public transport without getting hella sweaty and cold with fear (thank god for contactless payments, it’s so much quicker and I used to have to hand over sweaty change ALL the time!). I am able to make conversation more fluently and find I am less stressed over eye-contact and I know when to talk.

On days like these I feel like a sort of super-hero (let’s go with spiderman🕸). I have spidey-senses that tingle. I can hear layers upon layers of noise, I can smell things from what seems like a mile-off, I can immediately identify the nearest toilet to escape to in busy locations, I can smell spices and seasoning and avoid eating anything too strong or spicy, I can find nice quiet places to eat and shop without constant blaring ‘background’ music (IT’S NOT ATMOSPHERIC IT’S BLOODY ANNOYING. Rant over ☺️)

So what I’m trying to get at is that there are/can be positives to being you and being a limited edition – you just have to hold out for those good days. I know that’s a rubbish line, especially if you are going through difficult times. There’s nothing worse then someone saying ‘things will be better soon’ or ‘you’ll get through this’ because all you want to know is WHEN? Like a time/date/month/year would be handy?

If I’m honest I’ve had to wait months to feel like I’ve had some ‘good days’. This made me quite sad because as a 24 year old I should be out living life to the max (not like too close to max though…I’m a sensory-being let’s not forget!). This past month I have noticed I have enjoyed things much more. I have felt less emotional and I feel like I am struggling less with being unable to express how I feel. I’ve had good days. I think this could be down to:

  1. The right concoction of medication helping me to feel much more stable emotionally and mood-wise.
  2. Having / finding things to look forward to. This is huge. Before I felt so empty and like there was nothing to strive for.
  3. Appreciating the little things more. Like going out for a tea/coffee or tidying my room in order to keep my mind tidy too. These things can bring me joy.

So to summarise: yup, every single person in this world is a limited edition, and despite social media depicting our best-selves, we are all trying to navigate this weird-old world and… I think it’s okay to make some mistakes along the way.

 

I was interviewed!

Hello. This is just a little blog post to say: I was interviewed on a podcast!

The lovely people from Chewigem interviewed me and the episode titled: ‘SPD and adulthood with 21andsensory’ came out today! If you have a spare moment why not check it out here:

https://chewigem.podbean.com/e/spd-and-adulthood-with-21-and-sensory-sensory-matters-31/

Also you can check out the podcast here on Apple Podcasts

I’d love to hear your feedback and any comments you have ☺️

Chewigem October Offer…

Hi everyone! I thought I’d mention that Chewigem have an awesome October offer on their skull and cat pendants…

BUY ONE GET ONE HALF PRICE!

If you’d like to redeem this offer please click the links below and don’t forget to pop the code: ‘Halloween’ in at the checkout! 🎃🦇👻

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Let me know if you make use of the offer and what your favourite chewellry item is!
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My fidget and stim sensory box!

Hi everyone! I thought I’d upload a video on my fidget and stim sensory box. It’s travel friendly and super useful when on the go! Feel free to subscribe to my YouTube channel: 21andsensory. All the links are below…

Thanks for watching!

My latest Chewigem purchase…

My latest purchase from the fab Chewigem 😍🙌 this is the berries necklace – it’s very chunky (beads approx 28mm in diameter) and the necklace comes in a whole range of fun vibrant colours, I went for the blues and greens theme.

Other colour combinations are:

  • Black/Grey/White
  • Blues & Greens,
  • Pinks & Purples
  • Rainbow
  • Reds & Blues

Each bead is covered in little nubs for sensory appeal and greater feedback when chewing. The beads have a heavy sort of weighted feel and I just like to hold and fidget with them. It’s hardwearing so would work well for more robust chewers.

I find it’s a much harder chew compared to the Raindrop which I also bought from Chewigem (see my blog post reviewing it here) but I like that it’s a different density as I can choose between which chewellry I think I need / would be best to wear by strength and flexibility. I find if I feel super anxious or agitated a tougher chew works better because then I don’t have to worry about leaving marks or damaging it.

In conclusion: I would definitely recommend! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 

Sensory Processing Disorder Research Study and Survey

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Hi everyone – this is just a little blog post to let you know about a research study that I’m (and hopeful you will be) involved in.

I’ve been speaking via email to a super lovely student from the University of KOC (Turkey) who is studying Media and Visual Arts and has participated in design research for people with ASD. Now they’ve gone further with research and to specialise in design relating to Sensory Processing Disorder. A survey link was sent through to me this week and I am trying to share it with as many people as possible in order to help with the research!

Below is a link to the survey and it would be fab if you have a spare 5 mins and can fill it  out:

http://koc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_032S5XEHYXqKXad

Thanks! Any questions, feel free to ask in the comments below or @21andsensory on Instagram and Twitter.