Hi everyone here again to share another drawing…this time on the ‘Constant Autistic Internal Monologue’ which is something that I experience.
Let me explain it a bit more…I didn’t realise (until literally the day of my autism assessment) that most people don’t have a constantly internal monologue running inside them. I was chatting to my assessor and casually explained that I have this constant running internal monologue inside of me of how to act, be, live, etc. By this I mean a constant voice inside me (that is me, not a separate person) telling me things like:
- ‘Try and keep eye contact Emily!’
- ‘Maybe sit up straight and try and look a bit more interested?’
- ‘You might be walking to close…maybe back off a bit?’
- ‘They might want a handshake? A hug? Be prepared’
- ‘Does my face look engaged? Is my expression okay?’
- ‘Am I looking awkward?’
- ‘You could go sit in the toilet for a bit and decompress?’
- ‘Did I not talk enough? Did I come across weird?’
(As you can see it can be in a range of person tenses and talks in present and past tense too)
It’s constantly suggesting things to me and is very wary of not fitting in and seeming different. It warns me of things, prompts me to maybe do things which would seem more ‘normal’ and it’s not something I can switch off. I think it is a part of masking but it is not something I cannot drop (v.frustrating). It’s something I have always had, I remember it right the way through school trying to guide me and failing to help me. Also as you can imagine, this continuous internal monologue is taking up a hell of a lot of my brain power and I am dealing with this on a daily basis alongside just existing and juggling things like work and my mental health…which isn’t ideal.
The suggestions aren’t always helpful too which is frustrating because it’s hard to ignore or not listen to them or at least take them on board. I wanted to share this in case it’s something others struggle with too though and because it was something I thought was built into everyone (apparently that’s not the case!).
Hope this all made sense.
Is this something you struggle with too? Let me know in the comments below.
21andsensory 
The subtopics around trying to work out when to speak are all present in me. Add in hearing loss and only catching 60% of the words and It’s no wonder I don’t like talking to people.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have had the same thing though it’s very difficult to explain to other people what it is like. Most ask if its like someone talking to you? schizophrenia/?psychosis . the best way i have found is to converse with it actively
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can 100% relate to this & I was not aware it was an autism trait. I do thus ALL the time especially with eye contact & forcing direct eye contact so people “won’t notice something is wrong with me”. I’ve always thought of it as OCD. But now I’m like wait what?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes! This is something I experience as well but it’s a bit different for me. I do experience the “coaching” aspect but mine seemingly narrates my life. Whatever I am thinking, doing or feeling my “narrator” is describing it as it’s happening.
LikeLiked by 1 person
How do we get rid of this?
LikeLike
Hey! I’ve not come across any way to get rid of it – I think forms of distraction might dampen it down a bit and quieten it so it’s more on the background. But for me it comes hand in hand with being autistic, it’s just sort of built in.
LikeLike
I’m currently undiagnosed waiting to get diagnosed this inner monologue is crazy I relate so much every time it happens I’m like for goodness sake because it’s like I’m judging myself and being so critical about every single thing I do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey – I really hope you don’t have to wait too long for a diagnosis. I’m glad you can relate to my work (although I agree the inner monologue is very frustrating 😭)
LikeLike
I relate to your post a lot. I’ve recently realized that I’m autistic, and I actually found it while Googling “Do neurotypicals have a constant internal monologue?” because I started wondering if that was an autism thing.
I’ve had decent success working on my internal monologue in therapy: not getting rid of it, but really listening to the part of me that’s doing the (internal) talking. I’ve realized it’s critical and anxious because it’s trying to help and protect me (like helping me overcome executive dysfunction or protecting me from negative social interactions). Realizing that has helped me feel less frustrated with that part of myself. I’ve also found that the more I can give myself little internal pep talks (“You’re doing great! You were so productive today! It’s okay that you need to rest tonight!”), the less critical and anxious my internal monologue is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel this 100%! I always thought everyone had a voice inside them but then when talking to my husband he looked at me like I was insane. As I tried to explain myself he just looked further perplexed. And then he was like you hear voices in your head? I’m like no not like that. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I’ve never been diagnosed with adhd but pretty sure I do. Im 35. I have a ton of the characteristics of adhd. Thank you for this article. It helped me feel more normal than I do. Lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
YES. I can’t even begin to describe how angry I feel when I spend too much time dwelling on this. I hate this incessant inner monologue with every ounce of my soul. It has brought me nothing but misery and failure, but there is NOTHING I can do to stop it except go to sleep. And even when I sleep it keeps on going in the form of wack dreams, which I guess are tolerable because they are more interesting than reality. I’m eternally grateful that I stopped having nightmares( for the most part) when I finally got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. I think getting the diagnosis got me to relax a little bit by knowing I wasn’t crazy or making it up. I doubt ADHD is the only thing I have, but I don’t have the money for an exhaustive neurodivergent assessment, plus there aren’t any high quality specialists within 200 miles since I live in BFE. Nobody knows what I deal with on a daily basis and nobody even cares to take the time to try and understand it. I’m written off as being too sensitive, too deep, too paranoid, too emotional, too unstable and too complicated. Even my husband (despite being a very very wonderful person) doesn’t try to understand me. When I need emotional support, It’s literally just me, myself and I. I don’t know how to enjoy life or relax, and I certainly don’t find comfort in other human beings. It feels like people get annoyed or weirded out when I do things that indicate I’m mentally different, and it feels like nobody takes me seriously… I desperately wish someone would prove me wrong one day. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think the reason autistic people have the internal monologue is due to masking. Neurotypical people have taught us our entire lives how to act and be and what not to do, but because of autism that feels so wrong to us, that we constantly have to think about acting “right”, to be seen as “normal”. I think people without an inner voice are the people who decide what is normal, because they just do/act. I have heard that a lot of autistic people hate themselves on some level, and I think that can come from the voice/mask being frustrated by the true autistic personality not wanting to act “right”. Someone wrote that the voice is there to protect us when we are younger, and I think that’s true, but it takes a lot of energy to constantly correct yourself, which often leads to autistic burnout.
I’m sorry for the long ramble, I’m very tired and just had to get my thoughts out!
And thank you so much for the article! It really helped me get some thoughts connected 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think the reason autistic people have the internal monologue is due to masking. Neurotypical people have taught us our entire lives how to act and be and what not to do, but because of autism that feels so wrong to us, that we constantly have to think about acting “right”, to be seen as “normal”. I think people without an inner voice are the people who decide what is normal, because they just do/act. I have heard that a lot of autistic people hate themselves on some level, and I think that can come from the voice/mask being frustrated by the true autistic personality not wanting to act “right”. Someone wrote that the voice is there to protect us when we are younger, and I think that’s true, but it takes a lot of energy to constantly correct yourself, which often leads to autistic burnout.
I’m sorry for the long ramble, I’m very tired and just had to get my thoughts out!
And thank you so much for the article! It really helped me get some thoughts connected 🙂
Example: my true autistic self wanted to end the message with the words “thumbs up emoji“, but my inner voice/mask told me no one would find it funny, so I didn’t do it.
The only way to get rid of it I see, is to ignore it, and live your true self.
LikeLiked by 1 person
100%!! It seems there is very limited research on this and what is out there seems to be contrary in their findings (and really not great research). Have you come across any decent research about this.
LikeLiked by 1 person